Following the end of the Obama administration, the new First Lady, Melania Trump, pictured above with President Trump, has cut many of Michele Obama’s programs such as the “Lets Move!” campaign for healthy school lunches and other such programs trying to slim down obesity statistics. First Lady Trump is instead starting up her own healthier children program, Beautiful people for Bulimia. With other famous supporters, such as Brittany Spears and Kim Kardashian, First Lady Trump said earlier yesterday that “children are being told that looks can’t take you everywhere in life, but they are wrong”.

The White House, or as it may be known in the future, the Gold House, is obviously undergoing some serious changes, for example the new decor of the Presidential residence is including a new coat of paint, solid gold paint that is, replying “we are rich, very, very rich” when asked about her choice. Along with the new coat of paint, the First Lady when asked about possible renovations, mentioned the possibility of demolishing the Lincoln Bedroom and turning it into a shoe closet. After being scrutinized by the press of the importance of the Lincoln Bedroom, the First Lady replied with “Lincoln? What did he do again? Was he the lightbulb guy?”.

Along with changes in the First Lady’s polices, there has been a significant change in the Presidential opinion of previous polices and decisions, such as the most recent statement of President Trump, “I noticed something here at the White House, there isn’t a penthouse. I’m thinking of adding a few stories, maybe rent out the bottom floors”, although the size of the White House is not the least of his concerns.

In the President’s recent press conference on the NASA budget, under scrutiny from reporters, President Trump explained his doubling of the 17.5 billion dollar spending plan for the Space Agency, stating that “the oil discovery by Curiosity is a game changer, America could stretch from sea to shining sea to the red planet” calling it Manifest Destiny. Although NASA officials are calling this “wasteful spending” explaining that only a portion of this would actually contribute to a Mars mission, the rest would simply sit unused, Trump insists that this budget is necessary for a successful Mars mission.

When asked about specifics on the Crude Mars project, such as plans for shipping oil back, President Trump explained “all it takes is good management and some elbow grease”. On the possibility of instead using Mars for clean energy, such as wind turbines, Trump shows serious disapproval, explaining that wind turbines would “ruin the view” for billions of people claiming that a Mars wind turbine project would simply ruin any real estate possibilities on the Red Planet.


Disclaimer: This is satire and is not to be taken seriously. This is completely fictional. By reading this article you lose the right to complain that it offends you.

Published: 12/3/17